The following blog post was retrieved from a server going out of service. Given the time that has elapsed since these posts were originally published, they are being reprinted here for your reading pleasure.
Originally Posted: Monday September 29, 2003 at 6:45pm
My day started off normal enough — get up, go to work, return home, hang up my roommate’s three jackets and two hoodies he’d decided not to wear, put my lunch things in the dishwasher, then into the living room to check next week’s comic book releases online.
And then normality ended.
From the doorway into the living room I saw something light brown and furry curled up on the couch. After a moment I realized that it was a rabbit — and not a cute little Beatrix Potter bunny either — I mean a Watership Down wild rabbit. In my apartment!
It must have sensed my presence because its head and ears popped up and it launched itself off the couch. Mid-leap it transformed into a woman who landed gracefully on the carpet on the far side of the coffee table.
“Hi Gail,” she said and smoothed out her dress.
She probably expected a response of some sort — maybe a scream, a gibbering breakdown, or maybe some Hollywood style one-liner that showed her just how cool and with-it I am. Instead, I just stared, wowed by how totally gorgeous she was. Tall, at least six feet, with long wavy red hair and cleavage I’d kill for. If I had a body like that, I might actually enjoy shopping.
“Anyway,” she said. “I’m Amanda, your fairy life-coach. I’ve been assigned to help you get a life.”
“Fairy… life… coach…” I said trying to make sense of the words. I knew the meaning of each one but they just didn’t want to go together.
“Godmothers are so last millennium,” she explained.
“You’re a fairy godmother? Like a real fairy?” Holy crap!
“Yes, but without the wings. They’re out of fashion these days, which totally makes me happy. Do you know how hard it is to alter a dress to fit a pair of wings? Even with magic to help!”
I let that statement flow over me. I was still focused on her first one.
“You’ve been assigned to me? Like a social work case?” I tried to picture Cinderella’s fairy godmother standing in line waiting to get her next client. It didn’t happen. I got nothing.
“Sorry, this is a bit much to absorb.” I grabbed hold of the one thing I could understand — her reason for appearing before me. “I need help?” I asked.
“Honey, your life is a void. Big time boring.”
She wasn’t wrong there.
“Okay, so do you wave a magic wand or something and poof, I’m more interesting?”
“No, that wouldn’t last. We need to work more slowly than that.”
She then stepped forward, licked her fingers and smeared them across my forehead. I leapt back and rubbed the spot dry.
“Sorry,” she said, “but it either that or a kiss and I thought you’d like the kiss less.”
“Well, yeah. But why’d you do it?”
“To enhance your memory.”
“That will make my life more interesting?”
“No. It’ll help you write your blog better.”
“Your blog. You know, a web log.” She reached into a bag my newly enhanced memory confirmed hadn’t been there a moment before and pulled out a small booklet. “Here, read this and then write about how you just met me. Tomorrow tell me about your life and then we’ll get properly started on October 1st. It’s always good to start at number one, don’t you think?”
She gave me a full-toothed smile and I was almost blinded by the brilliance of her teeth. I wondered if she used magic to look so beautiful.
“Anyway, gotta run,” she continued. “Good luck with the blog set up and I’ll see you in a few days.”
She blew a kiss in my direction then turned back into a rabbit and hopped out of existence, literally. I was tempted to disbelieve what I’d just seen, but the rabbit-to-woman-and-back-to-rabbit transformation was hard to ignore. Plus my life does need some help. My social life is totally flatlining.
So here I am. I’ve followed the instructions on how to set up a blog, but I have no idea how this will make my life less boring, hence the name The Boring Blog.
Good start, Gail. I like the title. Believe me; you’ll know what to write about. Write each day and you’ll do great, okay? Kisses! Amanda.